Seize Everything
Seize Everything

Line of the Night

Cast of characters: Peter as Sh’vass, painted-elf cleric of Whoever’s Listening; Brett as Varrik, half-elf rogue; Nick as Marcus Bighammer, human barbarian/cleric of Lack, the God of Laughing Knives; Spencer as Gibson, human paladin of Jojo McMotherfucker; Jake as Atlas Brulio, dwarven monk; Tami as Arianne, frost-elf druid; Ben as Faust, human wizard; and Sam as Strider, painted-elf ranger.

Random memorable quotes from my D&D game. No particular chronological order.

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Arianne: “Ears!”

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Sh’vass: “If I have sex with the innkeeper’s widow, I own the inn, right? That’s how it works?”

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Gibson: “I didn’t have any rope to tie him up, so I used my sword. What was I supposed to do? You wouldn’t pass me the rope.”

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Marcus: “Is the door unlocked?”

Me: “Yes. The handle turns easily.”

Marcus: “I kick it down.

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Sh’vass: “I think I’m starting to be racist against living people.”

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Marcus: “Wait, you cockblocked him? What am I supposed to do with this scorpion now?”

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Varrik: “New poster for the mystery man on the bounty board. Hey, he’s got a name now!”

Marcus: “…His name is not ‘Agent Provocateur,’ Varrik.”

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Faust: “Do you sell pointy wizard hats?”

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Marcus, in the middle of negotiations: “Oh! It’s a bluff. A lie.”

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Running Joke: “The door is MADE OF DRAGONS!”

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Atlas Brulio: “Yeah, I’m not legally allowed to drink in this town anymore.”

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Varrik: “Do you sell poison?”

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Gibson: “Can you alter this armor to fit me?”

Armorer: “…You know this is women’s armor, right?”

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Atlas Brulio: “There’s at least an off chance of him being afraid of spiders.”

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Sh’vass, talking about necromancy: “Oh, sorry, was this someone you knew?”

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Strider: “I’ve been attacked by two snake-things that turned into gloves. Next time, it’ll be a boot or something. Then a shirt. I just have to wait. Eventually the witch will run out of clothes.”

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Marcus: “Don’t kill him. I think these might actually be the good guys.”

Faust: *Magic missile barrage drops target to -10 in a single round*

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Gibson: “Get it off me! Get it off me!”

Arianne: “I’m going to set it on fire.”

Gibson: “Get it off me first!

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Atlas Brulio: “Try to distract the guards, we’re trying to kill government assassins here.”

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Gibson: “Follow his trail. See where’s he’s been. Maybe he burned down an orphanage on his way here so I can have an excuse to attack him.”

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If anyone from the game remembers any other good ones, post ’em.

  • reply Varrik ,

    Don’t look now, but it looks like Bighammer might be…feeding the shoulder fish, if you know what I mean.

    “Who are you?”
    “Bill!”
    “…what did you say your name was again?”
    “………..Frank.”

    Also, I feel like a future post needs to detail the Barbarian Bomb, Inquisition Two-Step, and other miscellaneous slices of awesome.

    Also also, I think you spelled my name wrong. But I use so many variations I don’t actually remember what I put on my character sheet.

    • reply Adam ,

      I may have spelled a lot of names wrong. I’m just going off what I remember. I’ve changed the name in the post to the spelling you’re using here.

    • reply Spencer ,

      Sha’vas, “Hey guys, I got this…Owlbear!”

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