In between major long-term campaigns with my Seattle group, we decided to do a short-run game of the new Sentinels RPG. Over the course of a few months, the Bishop City Irregulars fought crime in a fictional city still recovering from the OblivAeon Crisis. They were even good at it, occasionally.
Our cast of characters:
Peter, a huge fan of Greater Than Games in general and Sentinels of the Multiverse in particular, as the GM;
Brett as Manifold, a scientist with a wide array of portal-based technologies, a power armor suit, and a space station laboratory;
Amber as Doctor Heist, a former supervillain who used to roll with the notorious Beating People With Pipes Force and who still regularly breaks into Manifold’s laboratory;
Josh as Noir, a character from ’30s detective comics who got modernized into an immortal black-and-white silhouette creature that still talks and acts like a 1930s pulp detective;
Jake as Stonewall, a bouncer who got kidnapped by aliens and given experimental superpowers, which he used to punch every alien he could find straight in the balls;
Kelly as Chernobyl, a radioactive supersoldier from the Cold War, who was in the campaign until Kelly’s work schedule changed and she had to drop out;
and myself as Magnifico, a stage magician superhero who’s powers might or might not be actual magic, depending on the writer.
Together, they fought crime. And cracked some pretty good quips while doing so.
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 1, Part 1: CRUSH HOUR
Doctor Heist: “I’m helping, but also keeping an eye out for useful items to ‘recover.'”
GM: Even though you’re on the side of good now, most people still find it hard to trust you. Mostly because you still call yourself Dr. Heist.
Manifold: “Well, she still has all those business cards. It would be a waste to rebrand now.”
Manifold: “Can we use your playing cards to track who’s taken their turn?”
Magnifico: “Yes, as long as you don’t need the aces or jokers, all of which I’ve hidden up my sleeves. In preparation for the magic.”
Doctor Heist: “Is Manifold trapped in the record store too?”
GM: He is currently located in the record store. I would not say Manifold is “trapped.”
Stonewall: “Doctor Heist steals the show!”
Noir: I grab him by the collar and shake him, asking, “Who’s the butter and eggs man? What’s your dib on this?!” While my infernal energy scorches him.
GM: You’re grilling him…while grilling him.
Chernobyl: “Can I use my Impose skill on this rubble? Make these rocks my bitch?”
Magnifico: “I’m going to clear the smoke, using Telekinesis and…I could use Banter.”
Stonewall: You blow smoke while you blow smoke. “Attention, ladies and gentlemen! This is a no smoking area!”
Stonewall: “I pass it to Bone Crusher. I mean, Brain Crusher.”
Manifold: “He’s gonna crush the strongest bone in your body. THE BRAIN!”
GM: I want you to know that Brain Crusher has definitely used that line in another comic.
Noir: “Come on, ya hard-boiled turtle slapper!”
GM: So your +3 bonus is “fake doves.”
Magnifico: “That is correct.”
Magnifico: “Stonewall’s brilliance is the ability to find groins to punch on non-bipedal robots.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 1, Part 2: BEAT DOWN
Brett, acting last in the round: “Manifold, thinking quickly…”
GM: AKA having had 30 minutes to plan.
Stonewall: “I go give Synthwave a Groin Punch.”
GM: Proving once again that your power is punching robots in the groin somehow.
Manifold: “Go for the nuts! And bolts!”
Manifold: “It’s getting pretty crowded in here. Chernobyl, can you help with that?”
Chernobyl: “Sure.”
GM: She leaves.
GM: Adam is A) going to call in on Discord so he can join the session, and B) not pleased about finding out the villains are named Cacawphony and Synthwave.
Everyone: “Adam is wrong.”
Doctor Heist: “I’m going to attack using a very basic invention. I pick up some scrap metal and…hit him with it.”
GM, heavily sarcastic: “Invention.”
Noir: “She took a lesson from the Beating People With Pipes Force.”
GM: If your goal was to wreck the dumpster golem, you succeed. With the twist that…
Manifold: “You have tetanus.”
GM: The computer you broke before starts to beep and boop again.
Chernobyl: “I don’t want ghost computers!” *explodes in radiation*
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 2, Part 1: OFF THE RECORD
Noir: “I said can I get you a gasper. Do you speak the Queen’s English, boy?”
NPC: “Uh, no. I speak the President’s English.”
GM, gesturing at the map on the whiteboard: The residential district extends past this; I just wanted to draw a bunch of roads to make it look like a city.
Magnifico, squinting at the map doubtfully: “And it’s definitely a city, and not a squid?”
GM: It’s a squiddy.
Noir: “Would you be able to make use of some sonic mines?”
Chernobyl: “I could probably throw sonic mines…wait, Heist, you’d be way better with sonic mines!”
Doctor Heist: “I would like some sonic mines.”
Noir: “I don’t appreciate racism against the Chinese. The Orient are good people.”
Noir: “I call up Gladrags and let him know I’ve found his creep joint.”
Magnifico: *stares blankly*
Chernobyl: “You’re Gladrags, Magnifico.”
Manifold: “They seem to have distributed vinyl records containing some kind of malicious virus.”
Noir: “I don’t understand. How did the influenza get into the records?”
Magnifico: “With a needle, of course. It is a record player.”
GM: I didn’t expect this campaign to just be a string of shots at hipsters.
Manifold: “It did open in a record store.”
Noir: “Don’t make us look bad in front of the heroes.”
Magnifico: “Aren’t we the heroes?”
Noir: “Not the real heroes.”
GM: Doctor Heist realized that the real thievery was in the stock markets.
Noir: “Do we have a lawyer? Should we get a lawyer?”
GM: They’re not too happy about you using government grant money to robocall the entire city.
Manifold: “Well, uh…they don’t have jurisdiction. I’m in space.”
Chernobyl: “This is why my interrogation didn’t go well. I got nuclear hiccups.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 2, Part 2: KNIGHT AT THE MUSEUM
(or, THE KIDS ARE SAFE DOWN BY THE RIVER)
Manifold: “We’ve always got time to watch some good old fashioned baseball.”
Magnifico: “Manifold is just standing in the crowd, cheating with portals.”
Magnifico: “How can Noir tell that the field is black and orange?”
Noir: “I’ve learned exactly which shades of grey are which colors.”
GM: He’s an effective detective.
GM: A golem made of street signs and cars smashes through the front wall of city hall.
Stonewall: “Shit, when I said ‘give me a sign’ I wasn’t expecting this.”
GM: Pridefall is already leaping into action to do battle with more golems behind it.
Stonewall: “I guess I’ve found my asSIGNment.”
GM: Please take your turn.
Magnifico: “Aha! The man you thought was Magnifico tears off his fake mustache to reveal that he was actually character actor David Rembrandt of the hit show Bishop City Undercover, and Magnifico reveals that he was inside the room with the villainous Architecht the whole time!”
GM: People (who already don’t like Magnifico for showboating instead of fighting) wonder why, if he was in there the whole time, he didn’t do something sooner. Why did you let this crime happen, Magnifico?
Magnifico: “The time was not yet right for the show.”
Noir: “Tell that to the spot where my kidney used to be, before a laser shot it!”
Magnifico: “He’s surrounded by shattered funhouse mirrors, and a smoke machine.”
Noir: “So…you’re just Mysterio.”
Chernobyl: “I attack him with Nuclear, using Invasive Ray, which ignores defenses.”
Manifold: “So you’re straight up giving him cancer, right?”
GM: The car golem swings at you as it goes by, slamming down towards you with one mighty Chevrolet.
GM: You see a golem made of prison cell bars and Brain Crusher.
Chernobyl: “Wait. It’s made of Brain Crusher, or he’s there too? That’s an important distinction.”
Stonewall: “I could finally use my Underworld Connections and break some people out of this jail to help us.”
Manifold: “‘Heroes.'”
Doctor Heist: “I’m gonna teleport these kids down by the river, under the bridge. To keep them safe.”
Doctor Heist: “All of my gadgets are now pipe-based.”
Noir: “They call me Dr. Pipe.”
GM: That’s a porn star, probably.
Stonewall: “Time to hit him with my best shot. The groin shot.”
Doctor Heist: “He’s the real Dr. Pipe.”
GM: You appear at the museum. All the lights are out.
Chernobyl: “Do I see Ben Stiller?”
GM: No.
Chernobyl: “Phew. Okay, good.”
Doctor Heist: “Naturally, I’m also equipped with pipe bombs.”
Manifold: “Of course. What hero wouldn’t have pipe bombs?”
Stonewall: “He can call me the…Bone Crusher Fister.”
Magnifico: “It’s Brain Crusher.”
Stonewall: “Not after I’m done with him.”
Magnifico: “…What?”
Chernobyl: “I want to roll to locate the camera room.”
GM: What are your powers?
Chernobyl: “Strength, Agility, Nuclear, and Leaping.”
Magnifico: “On second thought, maybe I should have teleported someone else here for the investigation part of this adventure. Like the detective.”
GM: You see Night Lyfe, the local super team there, fighting the golems. But they look like they’re fighting sloppier than you guys.
Chernobyl, genuinely worried: “Oh no.”
Noir: “I roll 14 against Gunswagger. I take all his guns.”
Chernobyl: “I think you take his swagger too.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 3, Part 1: CAT AND MOUSE
Magnifico, to the police: “I don’t know much about Gunswagger, aside from the fact that he’s a dangerous vigilante.”
Manifold, aside: “‘Dangerous vigilante,’ says Magnifico, of the Irregulars.”
Police Officer: “Do you heroes come up with those ridiculous names yourselves?”
Stonewall: “Brick was taken.”
GM: Do you invite Pridefall in?
Magnifico: “He’s like seven feet tall. I don’t think I can keep him out.”
Stonewall: “I gotta say, ‘below board’ is my specialty.”
Magnifico: “Don’t you mean ‘below the belt?'”
Stonewall: “That’s also true.”
Pridefall: “I don’t expect an army of conquering aliens to show up and attack Earth…”
Magnifico: “But that would be really cool.”
*beat*
Magnifico: “Sorry, continue.”
GM: Pridefall tries to avoid saying the name of his race, as humans who he tells it to always laugh.
Manifold: “I didn’t catch it the first time he mentioned it.”
GM: It starts with an F.
Manifold: “Fundercats?”
Doctor Heist: “Feline.”
Magnifico: “So here’s the plan. We make a fake alien cat monster using, uh, these materials…”
Doctor Heist: “Yes, I figured that you would have the supplies for a fake alien cat monster.”
Stonewall: “Wait. Please tell me Dogg the Bounty Hunter is one of the people after this cat alien.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 3, Part 2: MELEE MATINEE
Magnifico: “What do we know about the range of these alien guns?”
GM: Pridefall says that they can shoot at least as far as human guns, and he’s seen those shoot as far as…several meters.
Magnifico: “I hate this job, but it puts money on the table. Wait, I mean–“
GM: That’s the name of my new hip hop album. Money On The Table.
GM: What you see reminds you of you, but in the shape of a praying mantis.
Noir: “No. I don’t like that. Take it back.”
Magnifico uses his most powerful red ability for the first time.
Magnifico: “And for my next trick…I pull out my actual gun.”
Stonewall: “This one is called the bullet catcher. I’ll need a volunteer.”
Magnifico: “I shoot him using, uh, Inventions.”
GM: Yes. You invented the gun.
Manifold: “I boost you with a portal, so you can straight up Nothing Personnel Kid this guy.”
Magnifico: “I’m trying to clean up the theater as much as possible, since I rented the place.”
Noir: “The lobby is on fire.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 4, Part 1: Good Cop, Psychic Cop
Magnifico: “Pridefall killed the one that was disguised as him.”
Stonewall: “Now he’s disguised as a Glop with a broken neck.”
Manifold: “It’s very convincing.”
Magnifico, in a showman voice, to the police: “But alas! The property damage. It’s quite extensive.”
GM: Someone give me the name of a small-time gang for you to shake down.
Manifold: “The Beating People With Pool Noodles Force.”
GM: They’re a splinter gang that never achieved the Pipes Force’s level of infamy. So you track down the…Noodle Force?
Magnifico: “The Pool Noods.”
NPC: “I met him at that pawn shop…” Quick, give me a name.
Stonewall: “Once A Pawn A Time?”
GM: That’s the one.
Manifold, stepping into the third interrogation room of the day: “It’s too late! Blackguard told us everything!” No, I shouldn’t open with that.
Magnifico: “Hey, it worked the first two times. Why stop now?”
Doctor Heist: “So that’s a critical success. I’m so good at stealing this book.”
Stonewall: “Critical success – the book was actually Master Obsidian!”
Manifold: “We got him, boys. Book him.”
Magnifico: “Can we use some of your hidden cameras in Manifold’s lab to stake out the pawn shop?”
Doctor Heist: “Sure.”
Manifold: “Could we use…all of them, perhaps?”
Doctor Heist: “Oh yeah. Definitely. Wink. I’ll go take them allllll out.”
Takes out a notebook with clearly more than 10 entries and crosses five out
GM: In the ritual book, in the section on the Hollow Staff, you see a lot of notes on their activities, their plans. It seems they had some meetings with the Beating People With Pipes Force.
Magnifico: “Hollow Staff, GOD DAMN IT!”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 4, Part 2: THE OBSIDIAN TRAIL
Magnifico, bringing Noir up to speed on the previous session: “And then Heist managed to use technological gadgets to disarm a magical ward.”
Doctor Heist: “Yeah. I’m pretty cool.”
Noir: “Let’s go see Adelaide.”
Magnifico: “Hopefully she’s not a giant witch played by John Cleese.”
Manifold: “You mean hopefully she is.”
Magnifico: “I mean if you’ve got John Cleese hiding here somewhere…”
GM, yelling to the balcony door: “John?”
Magnifico, interrogating a suspect: “And who do you mean by ‘they’? Is it perhaps a very tall gentleman, and a very…obsidian gentleman?” Aside: “I couldn’t think of another adjective that wasn’t racially charged.”
GM: The great part about GMing an over the top supervillain is that I can’t write a plan too dumb. The more I disappoint myself with my writing, the better it is!
Noir: “I’m gonna call Clarke Clarke.”
Manifold: “Do you get his secretary? A clerk?”
GM: Yeah, you get a clerk. It’s one of his cousins, another of Clarke clan.
Noir: “Kirk?”
Magnifico: “Kirk Clarke the clerk?”
GM: Yes, it’s Clarke Clarke’s clerk, Kirk Clarke.
Noir: “How did he die?”
NPC: “It was…the…cancer. He had all the cancers.”
GM: Magnifico neglects to mention that Suleiman’s basilisk died in 1880.
Manifold: “So it’s undead basilisks we need to worry about.”
GM: But they don’t petrify you. They lose that ability in undeath.
Magnifico: “Rheumatism.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 5, Part 1: A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN
Manifold: “We were opening the gates of…whatever this place is called.”
Magnifico: “Sanctum Invola.”
Manifold: “Did you just make that up, Magnifico?”
Magnifico: “Maybe.”
Manifold: “Stop doing PR for our enemies!”
Doctor Heist: “We could use my…acquaintance’s penthouse. Where I’ve been living for the past few weeks.”
Magnifico: “…Heist, are you homeless? Have you been couch surfing this whole time?”
Doctor Heist: “No! They’re just in Europe, and letting me use the place until they get back.”
Noir: “So you killed them, eh?”
Manifold: “Europe is a real place, Noir.”
Noir: “…What?”
Bodkin (immortal supervillain from the 1700s): “And I have no idea where he’d be keeping Charon’s paddle.”
*group snickers*
Manifold: “Perhaps in the royal bedroom?”
Bodkin: “Why would he need an oar in the bedroom?”
Noir: “The modern world is crazy, man.”
Magnifico: “All right, let’s go release my greatest enemies from bondage.”
Noir: “I hate magic artifacts.”
GM: He says, having just garroted someone with a magic amulet.
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 5, Part 2: Adventures in Unreality (or, “Adam Just Remembered Recording A Single Quote”)
GM: Gunswagger has been standing there putting bullets into Noir this entire time. Stonewall appears in front of him, and he just…doesn’t stop shooting.
Magnifico: “I may not have done you a favor by teleporting you here.”
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 6, Part 1: SHARD BOILED
GM: What is Noir, uh…
Manifold: “What is Noir?”
GM: I don’t actually know.
Noir: “Were you on Earth in around 1940, Pridefall?”
Pridefall: “Yes…?”
Noir: “Then you know that sometimes horrible things need to be done.”
Pridefall: “But why did you shoot Gunswagger?”
Noir: “He’s German, man!”
GM: He fills the staff with infernal magic. Which cancels out the OblivAeon magic. It’s like acids and bases.
Manifold: “The shard is definitely the source of the illusion, the readings are off the charts. All I’m getting on the readouts from the staff are the Pythagorean theorem, so that’s probably not real.”
Noir: “Could I consume the OblivAeon shard?”
Doctor Heist: “That better go in the quotes. ‘Can I eat it?'”
GM: You’ve seen this energy before. It’s Manifold’s portal stuff.
Manifold: “My patented portal juice.”
NPC: “I don’t know what’s going on. OblivAeon is back there, and…”
Noir: “Oh god.”
GM: I mean, Obsidaeon. I mean Obsidian.
GM: They don’t see you yet. But they could finish pooping at any time.
THE IRREGULARS in:
Issue 6, Part 2: OVERSTAFFED
GM: I’m just now realizing that Heist and Geist are very similar names.
Manifold: “As long as it’s not Doctor Geist.”
Noir: “We don’t know his education.”
GM: Ogre, seeing that you’ve just crushed all her minions, stops looming threateningly and starts…doing.
Manifold: Threateningly.
GM: Do your knuckles say something?
Stonewall: “One says ‘Quentin’ and one says ‘Tarantino.'”
GM: It’s to confuse them. “Why do they-oof!”
GM: Geist turns to Heist and…okay. Yeah.
Doctor Heist: “Haha! I did this on purpose.”
GM: Geist slashes with his eight foot claws…
Magnifico: “Wait. Eight feet?!”
GM: I mean inches.
Magnifico: “I was gonna say…”
GM: I actually meant yards!
GM: You hear Geist’s voice bellow “STOP MOCKING ME!”
Magnifico: “StOp mOcKiNg mE!”
Magnifico: “I could teleport this terracotta soldier out to the suburbs…”
GM: You could send this unthinking dangerous monster into the unsuspecting suburbs, yes.
GM: You shoot Ogre in the hair.
Doctor Heist: It’s a top knot. “You don’t know how long it took me to do this this morning!”
GM: Obsidian sees you go to swing the gun instead of shooting it, and says, “Still stuck in the past, I see!”
Manifold: “Yes, Noir is from an era before firearms. 1920.”
GM: The final boss has a goddamn penis.
(it made sense in context)
Magnifico: “One fine day, Master Obsidian, stripped of all his minions, walked into a building full of heroes.”
Doctor Heist: “Who went gangster on his ass.”
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